How personal do you get on a first date?
Having been out of the dating world for quite some time, I have no idea how personal one might get on a first date—nor what is considered to be an acceptable amount of personal information to divulge. Is it as Penelope’s mother says—no mole unveiling until after the wedding? Or is it better to get it all out there and hope for the best?
Me, I would say go for the latter. If someone isn’t apt to love you for who you really are, then why try to stick around for a second or third date? A little bit of decorum is necessary, sure; I wouldn’t tell (or, ahem, act out) fart jokes on a first date, for sure, and I certainly wouldn’t tell someone whose anxious to have children about the time I terrorized my little sister with my own rendition of “Enter Sandman” when she was a preschooler…
So what is safe? Would you consider politics or religion to be fair game during a first date discussion? Many would say no, especially if it turns out that you are compatible despite your differences. I have known several couples who make a great match, even though they are on far opposite sides of the political or religious spectrum. My own husband and I vary greatly religiously—I am pretty open to just about anything and consider myself a pagan by nature, whereas he is a firm atheist—but I don’t think I could ever be with someone that far apart politically. Any partner who thinks it’s okay to restrict my body autonomy, to not let my friends get married, or to let the poor sink or swim is not compatible in my book.
I know a lot of people also worry about how much they should disclose in terms of money or prestige within your job on a first date, and I think that is a valid concern; I would definitely see if someone likes you first before mentioning your third house in Hollywood, if applicable. That said, if you’re broke, you could do the same thing and not mention it—either way, still being honest with your date—just to see if that attraction and interest remains. If you’re nervous about such details, you could always meet up somewhere so he or she doesn’t see your car, decide to split the check on the first date (or simply pay separately), or even make it a free date with a walk or some window browsing. That way, there won’t be any pressure to expose things about yourself that you are not ready to share just yet.