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It wasn't worth a Konspiracy Korner, but we read some guy claiming that Russian despots have alternated being "Balds" and "Ted Dansons" eight times in a row. Not eight men in a row; eight pairs of men in a row.
Among them, Lenin into Stalin, Kruschev into Brezhnev, Andropov into Chernenko, Gorbachev into Yeltsin into Putin ... Dr. D can counter, though, that all Russian chess Grandmasters have Mufasa-level manes of hair. Boris Spassky, a dead ringer for the young Josef, is merely the guy whose picture you might recognize. They all look like that...
WAITjustaMINNIT. Jerry Dipoto has a GORGEOUS head of hair. ... and don't think the parallels between Mariners executives and Russian despots end at hair alternation.
Last winter you remember how chipped our teeth were after Dipoto coughed up Carson Smith, and who was that football-playing prospect we all had down as Ryan Braun Bare Minimum, but ... just when we were ready to stage a bolshevik revolution a single Adam Lind maneuver made it all look like a Power to the People movement again.
This winter, (1) Dipoto de-lighted the den-izens with Valencia and Ruiz out of the gate, (2) he seems to be indicating "what more can be done with a roster of such beauty and magnitude," and (3) seems poised to finish by declaring an 86-win team in need of nothing more than a bit of mascara and eye shadow.
The possibility is obvious once you see it. Right now we're in a sneaky-quiet Marxist Manifesto leading up to an ostentatious Adam Lind-style crescendo that leaves 20 million dead... er, watching the Mariners rather than the Yankees in October. Which will end with Lincoln (great hair) and Armstrong (very weak hair) telling their proteges to divide up the American League on a napkin the way Churchill and Stalin did with Europe.
Thusly:
......
According to MLBTR, the most obvious (and, in Dipoto's hectic world, simplistic) wish at this would be one Zack Cozart:
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The Mariners nearly acquired Reds shortstop Zack Cozart prior to the non-waiver trade deadline, and their interest in the veteran infielder has persisted into the offseason, reports Bob Dutton of the Tacoma News Tribune. Dutton has previously reported that back on Aug. 1, the Mariners and Reds were in talks that would’ve sent Cozart and a minor leaguer to Seattle in exchange for minor league left-hander Luiz Gohara and another prospect, but the deal never materialized, as Dutton suggested that Cincinnati simply ran out of time to complete the deal after dedicating so much effort to completing its Jay Bruce trade with the Mets.
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But click on the link and here's an M's exec again shrugging his shoulders benignly and saying that any further uprgrades would be a "luxury" rather than a necessity. Bah humbug.
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Q. Is Napoli or Pearce still possible, along with Valencia?
A. Is Hillary still possible, along with Trump?
Sorry. Here Dr. Detecto is, inflicting upon you imagery of national elections without even a respectful KK warning aforehand. ... but of course you're welcome to virtual-riot on me if you feel the need to prove that love always wins over hate.
Stop Dr. D before he current-events again! :: jeff goldblum :: if you stay, i'll hurt you
Dipoto has declared the entire right-handed sector of the roster population to be overloading his social safety net. Much less to add anything to positions that are already solid. So, no, probably not too many more right-handed first basemen.
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Q. Is Seth Smith going to get 600 AB's, since Dipoto said the 1B platoon is their only platoon?
A. Um, he just means the outfield will be a fluid rotation of five or six guys. Jon Jay, Ben Gamel, Guillermo Heredia, and the starters. So Jerry "Great Hair" Dipoto has also gunned down even the most ephemeral dreams about Blue Jays outfield superstars ...
... Whoop! Not if you mean Michael Saunders! Hey! C'mon! Why NOT Us!
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Q. Maybe we could set our sights on triple closers as our Hot-Stove swat at Stars & Scrubs?
A. I, for one, refuse to give up hope. They're talking about Mark Melancon and his ilk. If you're "keeping your powder dry" at every position except reliever, what's wrong wit' dat?
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Q. What else is [actually] going on?
A. Dr. D has declared the thread below a Sanctuary City for all migrant theories of any stripe. Do him a solid and set 'im straight as to what Dipoto's really thinking.
Enjoy,
jemanji