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Hmm, "Five things that are most important to you in a future mate." Tough question, and having pondered it, I'm feeling like I should have put some thought into this before.

1. Political compatibility
I use the term "political" loosely. I'm an atheist, a feminist, and a liberal. I could never have a serious relationship with someone who didn't share those values. Maybe not to the passionate extent that I do, but for example, I could never date a hard-core Christian, or someone who believes that women should "get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich."

2. Steady job
I don't need a partner who makes a seven-figure salary. But I do need someone who has a steady, reasonable job. It doesn't even have to be a traditional job with normal hours. I would accept "weeknight bartender" or "night shift at a call center."

Someone who's chronically jumping from one low-level part-time service industry job to another… no thanks. I had my fill of irresponsible slackers when I was in my 20s. I'm too old to deal with that kind of thing now.

3. Likes animals
Again, I don't need someone who is as fanatical an animal lover as I am. But I could never date an animal hater, or one of those people who just don't "get" pets, or someone who hates cats. You don't have to love cats, but you can't hate them.

4. Humor
A lot of people say they want someone with "a good sense of humor," but what does that mean, exactly? I'll give you a specific answer: I want someone who says funny things on purpose that make me laugh.

5: Not squeamish
I have a morbid sense of humor, to say the least. I love shows like The Walking Dead and Hannibal. I have a wholly unhealthy fascination with cannibalism. Ask me about my greatest fear and I'll tell you that if I die alone and they don't find my body, I hope my cat eats my flesh, because I love her and I don't want her to be hungry. I have put a lot of thought into these topics, and I talk about them a lot.

I don't need someone who is as morbid and gross as I am. But I do need someone who isn't going to freak out if I go off on a conversational tangent about the sky burials that people performed on an island half a mile from my house, right up until the last hundred years or so.

Image courtesy Flickr/Tavin's Origami