Lucas Luetge Scouting Report
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Q. One walk and 9 strikeouts! That makes him a saber sweetie!
A. Haven't seen him pitch. Everybody says he's 86-88 mph with the fastball, but does have a Luke French curve ball. And that he has Luke French's assortment of changes, sliders, and scuffballs. Everybody says he has Luke French's pitchability. I'll guarantee you that he has Luke French's first name. We spend money on research around here.
L. Ron Hubbard invented Dianetics on a bet, *in my opinion* you CIA-spook wannabes googling this, and his "religion" was based on the sales shtick that when you are unconscious, spoken words plant "engrams" on your subconscious. I got audited downtown, because as you may have heard, I'm a comparative religion kinda guy. The Dianetics auditor thought I was far too open-minded and told me that my main problem was that I had the engram "Listen!" on the broken record of my subconscious. My stepdad probably yelled that at my mom while I was asleep in my crib. True story.
Back on point: Considering Jarrod Washburn for Luke French, considering his scouting director for Josh Leuke, and considering an 87-mph lefty reliever this year, can there be any doubt about Jay-Z's engram? You got it. "He's a LuLu!"
::Pauses, acknowledges general applause::
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Q. C'mon. Luetge's pitching great. I used to think you were a moron; now you've opened your mouth and removed all doubt.
A. He's got six innings worth of good results, against late-game ST batters, yeah. The question is context.
There is a reason that relief pitchers throw 93, rather than 87. You bring in Charlie Furbush with two on and one out, and he throws 93, and misses his spot, and the batter might very well pop it up. It takes both the reliever, and the hitter, a few pitches to find the range. At 93 you get away with a lot of mistakes over the plate.
But you come in, men on base, in the late innings, and you miss with 87 mph out-and-over? Guess what happens? You got it.
And Eric Wedge doesn't enjoy making a pitching change, only to see the very next pitch (read that phrase again) lose him a ballgame on a 3-run shot into the upper deck. Wedge looks like a complete idiot. Wedge does not favor catastrophe outcomes on the first pitch of bullpen changes. Ball one, that's one thing. 440 feet into the gloaming, while you're on the second step down into the dugout, that's another thing.
There is a blinkin' good reason that there are no 4-pitch, 87-mph lefthanders setting up.
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Q. GS-24 throws only 87 mph, too, though.
A. Very good, except GS-24 has been there before. He's got the hang of it. Avoiding 425 on the first pitch, as in.
Both Charlie Furbush and George Sherrill are exponentially more trustworthy than a rule 5 kid who picks fights with marshmallows at 20 yards.
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Now, if every report on the internet is wrong, and Luetge throws 90+, that's a different conversation. STILL he would have a starting pitcher's game, but.
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Q. So how about the rotation?
A. You bet. Right after Taijuan Walker gets blasted and sent back down to class-A. Let's get Luetge right into the 5-man rotation, just as soon as our Mariners A and Mariners B rotations fail their 720 skateboard tricks and all wipe out together.
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Q. There was some reason that Jay-Z took him rule 5.
A. Dianetics?
Am sure that Luetge was a great rule 5 pick. For somebody who can use him. Maybe his original team? What are they offering?
No offense, man. But if Lucas Luetge has an instrument on this stage, you'll have to point it out to me.
My $0.02,
Dr D