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I know a few women who remain with men who have called them absolutely horrible names—bitch, slut, ho; the list goes on and on. By remaining with someone who calls you these things, you are acknowledging that it’s okay to do so and that you are okay with a man treating you this way. Let me be perfectly clear: it’s not okay. In fact, I don’t care if you are an actual paid prostitute; if your partner calls you these things, he or she does not deserve you.

I do not mean, by the way, the way some of my gay friends call each other “ho” in a joking manner, particularly when drinking; I mean in a mean-spirited, fighting way. I don’t like these words at all, but I also have a sense of humor and I can see the difference. I hope most other people can, too.

My husband has never called me one of these terms in our sixteen years together, and he knows better. The worst he’s ever done is reply, “Well, you’re being one too!” when I called him an a**hole once. My best friend and my mother can say the same thing of their significant others. It’s just not acceptable.

You know, I don’t like those “If you were a real man, you’d blah blah” sayings because if you are past the age 18 and you are male, you are a real man; end of story. The phrase is also too often used to degrade men who are sensitive, gay, stand up for other people, etc. So I don’t like it.

But if you were a real mensch, or simply a good person, you would never use these words to describe anyone, period. You would recognize how hurtful they are, as well as how sexist, and that they are double standards. Like so many people have said before, a slut is another word for a woman who simply acts like a man when it comes to sex—and this is just not acceptable.

I know many women are trying to reclaim the word—such as during Slut Walks—and more power to them, but that doesn’t mean you can call someone the word in a derogatory manner. Even if a woman is your ex who cheated on you, using the word doesn’t only degrade her—it degrades you, too, since it makes you someone who judges another based on their sexual behavior. Sure, you were hurt, but why not just call her a jerk like you’d call a buddy who hurt you?

I don’t stand for the men in my friends’ and family’s lives calling them sluts, and I hope you don’t, either. While all I want is for these women to be happy, I also want them to be healthy and respected, which, I am afraid, is not what’s happening.