Doc, the unindicted co-conspirator in the BALCO scandal, talks about firing up the Bash-O-Tron.
While defense is important, Some days, Eric Wedge may want to fire up the Bash-O-Tron dial to 7 or 8 and deploy Wells and Carp in the outfield.
What happens when you dial it up to a 10? Is it safe? surely not. Is something going to happen? Good or bad, definitely. On 10, the ozone of bad defense scorches the green grass of Safeco. Old ladies walk out, babies cry, and the fans are filled with excitement and dread. Security moves fans three rows back to the cheaper seats, so that no innocent bystanders are maimed or killed.
The Bash-O-Tron, when turned to full blast, sends Seager to Shortsop, Liddi to third, and calls Jay Buhner out of retirement to DH. In addition, Ichiro is instructed to take no swing but Ichi-Bash, which he usually reserves only for batting practice, and is fined for any single or infield grounder. On a second offense, Ichiro is to forefeit his beloved bat humidor.
On ten, the glove guys are remanded to the clubhouse so that they do not taint the dugout with talk of "contact" or the "hit and run" ore some other like play.
Wedge, if he chooses, can turn on the Bash-O-Tron whenever he wants. All he has to do is remember to turn it back off when he has a five spot on the board.
The glove guys, once reinstated, can rally behind the nasty bullpen until victory is achieved.