I have a conspiracy theory that Jesus Montero is really Babe Ruth's long lost Latin great grandson. Consider the evidence:
First the oldest of paternity tests. Take a look at Exhibit A.
The face. Montero and Ruth have the same pug chin, beady black eyes Neanderthal brow, round bowling ball noggin and nonexistent neck.
Second, Montero and Ruth are roughly the same size. They are both built like silverback gorillas, with Montero being the taller and skinnier version of the two.
Third, both of them possess the ultra-rare ability to whack the tar out of the baseball. It reads in Moneyball that baseball ability is hereditary and that Billy Beane his owneself assigns double points to the children of major leagers. It would be wierd if Montero was not related to a major league player.
Fourth, consider the suspicious circumstances surrounding Jesus Montero's signing. He was signed out of a little country town in Venezuela by who? That's right.
The Yankees: The Yankees were Ruth's former employer. The Yankees were in the best position to keep track of Ruth's philanderings, and the organization had the means, the motive, and the opportunity to do so. Note, Ruth had the money and free time that it takes to travel to South America. The Yankees undoubtedly had a cadre of tails to keep track of their free wheeling greatest asset. It was easy for the Yankees to scout Ruth's children and desendants. The organization just had to assign one of their scouts to the post of "Special Assistant to the GM in charge of scouting children belonging to Ruth". That scout would then type a secret report to the GM reporting on the whereabouts and doings of Ruth's offspring. Why do you think that Cashman wistfully compared Montero to Miguel Cabrera? Because he knew something. That's why.
Now if that wasn't the case, how else would the Yankees have known about Montero? Since when are the Yankees do smart international signings? Can you name anyone? Hideki Irabu? Posada, Jeter, Berra and (cannot think of other Yankee successful homegrown talent). Those guys are all Americans. Before Montero, no one had ever heard of the Yankee's foreign scouting department. If Montero were not a closely guarded secret of the Yankees, he would have signed with the Mariners or the White Sox, because everyone knows that those are the teams that the Venezuelans join when they want to play in the bigs.
Now Sherlock Holmes said that if you eliminate the impossible, the theory that covers the facts, no matter how improbable, must be true. That rule of logic applies to this case, because of the singular set of suspicious circumstances that are just wierd enough to be true.
The plaintiff rests.