Yoenis Cespedes incident
Steve Delabar, shown left, was not greatly amused by kitty Cespedes' little strut.
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I/O: Here's the incident on video.
With two out in the 4th, and a 5-0 lead, Jason Vargas walked Jonny Gomes and then threw an 84 mph cut fastball to Terrell Owens, er, Yoenis Cespedes. His Bling-ship accepted the invitation, launching the ball 462 feet into the night.
CRUNCH: As you can see, Cespedes stood at home plate watching the flight of the ball ... no, actually, he goosenecked around the basketball court with his hand hanging up in there, giving Vargas an obvious "don't bring that slop into my house" facial.
The problem is that the American League is certainly not Cespedes' house. Mike Blowers' disgust was instant: "That is the second home run of his major league career."
Can you imagine, if a visiting white American player were in Havana, and he crushed a tape-measure homer, and stood and home plate with his arms up DON'T BRING THAT INTO MY HOUSE! YEAH BABY! Literally: do you think he'd get home safely? ... this was apparently explained to Cespedes, after the game, and he apologized and was clear that he would not do it again in the majors.
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Almost as if a drone character in a Dan Jenkins novel, Bill Krueger came on screen. "What we are seeing here is that Cespedes has a slider-speed bat." Which Krueger deduced from Cespedes being SO ready for an 84 mph pitch, and from the fact that Cespedes hit a Shawn Kelley hanging slider in Japan.
I couldn't tell whether Krueger was so offended by Cespedes' antics that he was hurling false accusations, or whether it was another sparkling instance of Krueger's lightning-quick game sense. I wondered about it for a few minutes...
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Dr. D could hardly believe his eyes as Eric Wedge, apparently wearing a wire, marched out EXACTLY before Cespedes' next at-bat and replaced the 87-mph Vargas with the 94-MPH Steve Delabar. The Mariner bullpen comes into the 2012 season a bubbling mess of mystery meat, but this choice was simple, if you had believed Krueger. You just go to your hardest thrower.
Wedge did that. Sometimes it is so fun to watch MLB(TM) virtuosos playing their games-within-the-game.
Delabar laid his index finger alongside Cespedes' nose and flipped his head sideways several times in the pre-rumble "interview." Then he sucker-punched Cespedes in the gut, coming up from the floor and spilling His Bling-ship's cookies. It was 1, 2, 3 pitches and Mr. 462 used his two-footed squat jump to leap back into the dugout as quickly as possible. That real enough for you, bro'?
His Blingage drew Tom Wilhelmsen the next time, and 4 pitches later he was welcome to slink away again. There were no more "Don't bring that slop in here" noises, unless the noises were coming from the mound.
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CRUNCH: Usually Dr. D is not fast to endorse MLB(TM) entitlement codes, and he's got nothing against fantastic things being done against the Mariners. He laughed uproariously into the empty 3rd-deck bleachers, as did Junior into his glove, when Mark McGwire hit that Randy Johnson pitch off the back wall* of the Kingdoom.
But from street basketball, he does know how dangerous it is for a newbie to start strutting and staring people down ... after the newbie hits his first shot. He has seen some really vicious fights start that way, including those involving the youngish Dr. D. Major leaguers do need to find ways to keep the testosterone under some semblance of control.
SSI has to take Blowers' side on this one. Cespedes is liable to wind up getting hurt out there, if somebody doesn't grab him by the dangling gold earrings and set him straight.
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Bo Jackson had a slider-speed bat, and he used to show off on mistake pitches. As a first guess, we could imagine His Bling-Ness running a career sort of like Bo's.
Sudden thought. Suppose that you own the A's, and you ask Billy Beane. "Hey, how do we know that this guy does not have a slider-speed bat?"
If you're Billy Beane, how do you answer that?