Dr's R/X on Melky Cabrera
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Uses, side effects, and interactions: MELKY OTC is used to treat 513-run depression and anxiety. In addition, it is used as an anti-emetic. MELKY may improve your mood, energy, and appetite for $6 boiled weiners. MELKY should not be taken with handfuls of promising young club-controlled players, as dangerous Rule 5 player diarrhea may lead to acute dehydration. This medication works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances to the scoreboard.
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Precautions: Before taking MELKY, read Dr. D's leaflet Scars and Stubs carefully. This drug may make you extremely bored and drowsy. Never combine with CYoung OTC or other inert starting pitcher medicines, as dangerous sleepwalking may cause you to plummet from the 3rd deck and perish in a large pile of peanut shells.
Do not avoid MELKY in preference to home remedies that have not yet been tested on humans, including but not limited to miller, taylor, petersen, kivelhan or any non-seager home remedy. The literature on MELKY is extensive and its efficacy has been established in more than 6,782 clinical trials.
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Reviews: In contrast to drugs like prince, hamilton, arod and similar psychedelics, MELKY is unlikely to cause serious side effects.
The gold standard for FDA approval is BaseballHQ's prognosis of RC/27. The following drugs manifest the associated RC/27s for the coming 2015 trial period:
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| PLAYER | RC/27 |
| MELKY | 5.7 |
| Nelson Cruz OTC | 5.6 |
| Matt Kemp OTC | 6.2 |
| Justin Upton OTC | 5.8 |
| Hanley Ramirez OTC | 6.3 |
| Pablo Sandoval OTC | 4.9 |
| Yasmani Tomas OTC | 4.8 |
| Um ... Kyle Seager | 4.9 |
| League Average | 4.3 |
| Dustin Ackley OTC | 3.8 |
| James Jones OTC | 3.3 |
| Kendrys Morales OTC | 3.0 |
| Cole Gillespie OTC | 2.7 |
| Stefen Romero OTC | 1.9 |
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Drug Warnings: patients who are prone to WAR-per-dollar abuse may attempt to combine several Gillespie- and Romero-type drugs in an attempt to potentiate MELKY-type effects. This is likely to lead to dangerous run suffocation, coma-like effects in the stands, and .500 records for Felix Hernandez.
Dr's Prescription: take MELKY confidently for scoreboard anemia. Take twice the recommended dose if suffering from subdermal LOOGY infestation that is removing your will to live. Do not use MELKY where authentic Stars & Scrubs medications are available. MELKY will not be habit-forming. Its use should be discontinued after four cycles.
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Or as Bill James once said, when Jose Offerman was moved to first base. "The Royals don't need a certain kind of good hitter. They need good hitters, period."
Take two FA's and call me in the morning,
Dr D