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Two days ago, Dr. D wrote an article, Konspiracy Korner.  It contained 1,494 words glorifying baseball.  At the very end of it, he tossed in a (very) little quip:

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Rigged games ruin the product.  MLB's product is almost completely intact.  Baseball isn't the best sport, not by a long shot, but it is likely to become the only sport left.  In a roundabout way, that makes it the best sport.

Pitchers and catchers report shortly,

Dr D

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Exactly nobody laughed.

HEH!  ... which, as you know too well by now, was greatly amusing for Dr. D. 

Also, exactly nobody was pacified by the "coded" little wry smile at the signoff.  Gary Larson wrote the 2nd-greatest comic strip ever penned, and he was buried in protests constantly.  :- ) (As opposed to sprinkled with protests in 1 of every 500 comments.)

He chuckled about one of his "fails" and tediously explained the joke, finishing, "This one was obfuscated, unfunny, infuriating, and unintelligible.  In other words, the perfect Far Side cartoon."  Yeah baby.

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The comments to Dr. D's 1,494-word post focused on the critical 20 words in red. People were genuinely alarmed (lemme digest that idea for a second).  One amigo asked, protectively:  "Option A or Option B?  Dr. D is being satirical, or he really doesn't like baseball?"  

Dr. D gave up the game and quipped back:  "Option C.  Some people fail their Rohrshach tests."

Whereupon nobody relaxed; the feathers hit the fan at triple speed, then.  It was awesome.  We had a surgeon, a lawyer, a meteorogist, and their ilk confused about whether Barack Obama really believes in health care for the poor.  Something is very cool about that; Dr. D has no idea what it is.

There have been (very occasional) times when I wondered whether SSI is right to encourage text-style smiley faces.  Any such doubt has been forever removed.  In fact, I'm going to learn a second emoticon now.  You have only yourself to blame.

It's cool that we should all be so engaged with baseball and each other.  :- ) Baseball, that Dr. D never underestimates.  SSI and DOV, that's a different subject.

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So, 20 words that held baseball in insufficient reverence?, wound up hurting people's feelings a little bit.  Dr. D lives to serve.  He took the only course of action open to him:  he wrote 1,322 words recommending that nobody watch baseball, ever again.

Truth hurts, baby.

;- )

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George Carlin once explained himself defiantly:  I like my audience a little bit on edge.  Well, sure, George:  people (sometimes) laugh in order to relieve fear and tension.  Carlin's shtick was threatening.  If he had to poach a nervous laugh to break up the silence, he was glad to do it.  Your pain, his gain.

About 15 degrees off that ... SSI likes for amigos to be, um, not threatened, but a little bit alert.  Like a tennis player bouncing on his toes to return serve.  We've been blogging baseball for 20 years, you understand.  If it takes audio files, or an anti-baseball piece, or a link to Rupert Sheldrake, well ...

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Of course I love baseball.  You can exhale now.

So, one tongue-in-cheek diatribe could convince you that we dislike baseball.  This is silent, sparkling testimony to our Mask-like powers.  With these powers we could cure hunger ... bring about world peace ... but first!  Hold on to yer lug nuts!  Let's do another four pieces on Justin Ruggiano. ...

The Far Side cartoon that started us off, above?  Its idea seems to be that --- > people (such as Dr. D) put a little too much effort into things that don't matter quite as much as we think they do.  Remember, you, the reader, spends a few minutes a day downloading this shtick.  How much of Dr. D's life does he spend uploading it?  Don't go there :- )

Baseball often goes into my daily thanksgiving journal, not as a quip, but as a comment on its place in the universe, its relation to the human condition.  Tell you why.

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Stimulation vs Security

If human beings have 4-6 most fundamental needs ... two of them are (1) Security/Peace/Comfort and (2) Stimulation/Growth/Adventure.  Everybody cares about their 401(k) account, and everybody needs to go someplace and see something new.

And there are two basic kinds of exercise.  

One kind -- running stairs, swimming for personal records, racquetball -- takes your pulse over 125.  Another kind -- powerwalking, yoga, easy bicycling -- keeps your pulse under 125.  Once your pulse goes over 125 or so, you can no longer think straight.  

But while doing yoga with your pulse at 112, or while walking the trail at 3.5 MPH, you can multiply 2-digit numbers in your head.  Try that while gasping for breath.

These two kinds of exercise break down as follows:

Type	Pulse	Example	Best characteristic
Intense	>125	Running stairs	Lost sense of time (adventure)
Sustained		Yoga	Sense of peace & well-being

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By analogy, a Seahawk game can create an intense experience.  You can forget about the entire world, and time itself, as Colin Kaepernick drives the 49er's downfield in the NFC Championship game.  (Actually, in Seattle you can lose yourself while watching some putz raise the 12th-man flag.)

Dr. D loves experiences -- good movies, 3-on-3 basketball, romantic time with his wife, sometimes writing SSI -- that suspend time.  (Something was very wrong with that sentence.  Gary Larson, baby.)

On the other hand, when watching baseball, we have plenty of time to think.  And therefore plenty of time to be grateful that we're sitting in a park, that all is well with the world, that our lives are crammed with pleasant things.  

Did you know that the word "Paradise" stems from an old word for "Park"?  Nebuchadnezzar's Hanging Gardens created a "paradise" out of a contained area that was filled with leisurely, enjoyable things that created a sense of happy satisfaction.  Archaeology hasn't revealed whether it housed James Paxton's pitching motion.

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There are no absolutes here.  Sabermetrics itself is very stimulating, is it not?  SABR is simply outstanding for growth, learning, for training in logic.  All of you amigos, by virtue of your attention to The Art of Zen and Baseball, are in a never-ending university study.  

Our minds ain't going to lose their sharpness while we -- in a supremely self-aware exercise -- debate whether baseball is a good use of our time.

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Without a doubt, baseball is the thinking man's sport.

As you know, there are many other things about baseball that, charmingly, lend themselves to profound thought.  Sabermetrics in other sports don't deliver the same experience.  The 2015 Seattle Mariners rotation is like a rainbow that presents its colors in daily carousel.  The compartmentalized aspect of the matchups gives us a child-like clarity around which we can organize our enjoyment.  We can savor the fact that today is Seth Smith day and tomorrow will be Justin Ruggiano day.  On and on.

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Recreation that suspends time, such as 3-on-3 basketball, is one thing.  Recreation that creates a profound sense of peace and well-being, such as 18 holes of golf on a sunny afternoon, is another thing.  

Both are cool, but the second one is cooler.  Peace and well-being are even more important than growth and adventure.

Now we're going to need another article,

Dr. D / Mr. Hyde