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In 10th grade, Dr. D wished to impress his friends and so boned up on his Latin phrases. It didn't make him as cool in the hallways as he thought it might. In pace requiescat, foreign-language Fonzie catchphrases.
Nothing much has changed since then; Dr. D is still trying to impress his friends and still coming off more like Wayne Knight than Dennis Miller. That won't prevent you from taking a selfie, next April 4, with one of these handy SSI in-the-know saber slogans. You probably know more Latin than you thought you did, eh?
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REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM "reduction to the absurd" refers to SSI's favorite strategem, that of refuting baseball baloney by taking a lousy argument to its logical extreme. This gorgeous Latin pomposity can be used when we are riffling thru all potential 17-man pitching staffs built around Micah Owings. At the park it can be used when either Leonys Martin, Pat Venditte, or James Paxton are deployed.
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CAVEAT EMPTOR "let the buyer beware" - brandish this when any long-bearded Red Sox steps to the mound for us, or when you are ruing the day you bought an SSI coffee mug with Gene Wilder on it, or when Nelson Cruz steps to the plate in blatant defiance of blog-o-sphere virtual rioting.
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PERSONA NON GRATA "a person unacceptable" - GM Viktor Korchnoi once wrote a self-important book with exactly this title. Dr. D has courageously refrained from doing the same. Steve Clevenger could exploit it beautifully on his Twitter account.
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COGITO ERGO SUM "I think, therefore I am" - best waved from the cheapest seats, while somebody else in your "posse" brandishes a 4-foot face of Donald Trump.
No! NOT that one where his teeth are against his lower lip in prep for roaring some word that starts with F, like "foreign aid blows chunks" or whatever he was going to say. That face would be too EASY. Easy is not funny; get that straight. Get a giant Cogito Ergo Sum in "trumpfont" to go with a face such as
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Cogito Ergo Sum is also great when Brandon League is swapped in from the other bullpen, or when Nathan Karns throws a 1-2 fastball three feet outside.
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AD HOMINEM "to [attack] the man" - kind of tough to actually deploy at the ballpark, this slogan is more useful in the postgame blogs. Various hominids at the P-I forums can relate. It was originally -- say, a few thousand years ago -- meant to insinuate that the attacker had a vapid logic and an inability to control his/her anger. However, after the past 18 months it seems to have lost some of its pejorative force.
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A CANE NON MAGNO SAEPE TENETUR APER "a boar is often held by a not large dog" - there. Let's see if Terry's ruler-wielding Catholic teachers taught him that one. :: waits, looks, gives satisfied nod :: Dr. D would pay good money, and that's no joke, if a Denizen actually got onto ROOT TV with this sign during an Hisashi Iwakuma two-hitter.
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MEMENTO MORI "remember, you'll die" - rally the troops for 1-year Zack Cozart rentals with this two-poled banner. Remember, prospects geeks, next year's pennant is worth something just like 2022's is.
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Build your own,
Dr D