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Beard-second:  unit of length, opposed to the light-year, used to measure very short distances (such as used in integrated circuits, or as used to measure Kendrys Morales' leads off of first base).

Furlong per Firkin per Fortnight (FFF):  a good-natured jab at America's rejection of the metric system.  One FFF is almost exactly 1 centimeter per minute, a remarkable coinkydink.  C = 1.8 terafurlongs per fortnight.

Potrzebie:  the thickness of Mad Magazine 26.  A famous computer scientist "improved" our system of weights and measures using this as a basic unit.

For other humorous (?) units of measurement, see this wiki article, or Dustin Ackley's home run column.

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Q.  How well can you get your arms around a pitcher, based on a video?

A.  Guess what.  It depends on the pitcher.  That's not a cliche.  It's the key to understanding this issue.

Some athletes -- that's any sport -- you can watch them for two minutes and "get" who they are.  Randy Johnson? In 1997, you'd have needed two (2) pitches.  On video.  And you'd have known that he was a Hall of Famer.

Michael Jordan?  Two minutes, in shootaround.  Josh Hamilton?  His wife could tell, from one batting practice taken with his teammates, that he was a Hall of Famer.  Ken Griffey Jr. or ARod?  At age 18, anybody could see what they were going to be.

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Other guys are different.  Russell Wilson?  Joe Montana?  Jamie Moyer?  Their greatness is based on things that take you much longer to perceive.

Different things, make different athletes great.  Sometimes those "things" are very easy to see.  Sometimes they're not.

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Q.  Like what, in Tanaka's case?

A.  Suppose you had seen video of Hisashi Iwakuma, three years ago, pitching in Japan.  Would you have been able to perceive, in 20 pitches of a YouTube video, the specific attributes that Iwakuma exploited --- > in order to star in the American League?

You would not have.

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Q.  What were these attributes of Iwakuma?

A.  For example, his pitchability.  His sense of how aggressive the hitter is, or isn't.  And his intuition for how to challenge the passive hitters, and to tantalize the over-amp'ed ones.  How were you going to get that from a video?

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His mistake avoidance.  Some pitchers make 4% bad pitches, let's say, and their gopheritis is 1.4 homers per nine innings.  Other pitchers make 2% bad pitches, and their homers stay low.  We're talking about a pitcher's intuition, his sense of danger.  How would you get that from a video?

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His pitch sequencing.  It turns out, Iwakuma has a real talent for throwing a fastball about 4" above the letters -- and he whipsaws it against his shuuto.

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That, and many other such things, created a coherency to Iwakuma's game that transcends video.  The WHOLE is simply greater than the sum of the parts.  That was the way with Greg Maddux, and with Jamie Moyer, and with Edgar Martinez, and with Tom Brady, and with a lot of great athletes.

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Q.  Leaving us where?

A.  Leaving us with a problem.  Here is a really thorough, really comprehensive breakdown of some Tanaka video.  Great job guys!

Trouble is, we're measuring time with a ruler, or measuring weight with a calendar.  Tough to grab an NBP star's "game" with video, usually.

Stillllll......

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