.

Sadly, we're not going to be able to top Spectator's reply to Howard Lincoln's riveting interview.  Best we can do is zig against his zag, and present some apples to bowl alongside Spec's oranges.

My son John is age 21, was a high school football player, baseball pitcher when he was younger, loves every sport except soccer which he loathes with the passion of a thousand burning suns.  He's a nice kid, church kid pretty much, which isn't to be confused with "doesn't know his way around the block."

Who would play him in a movie ... hm.   He's blond-ish, a tight end's physique, 6'2", 220, long arms ...

As to the personality?  it's probably a Daddy's take on things :- )  but as far as an actor who "presents" like he does, think Chris Hemsworth.  Wears his hair and beard about like Hemsworth in the pic above ... even Daddy doesn't think he looks that good, on an absolute scale, but on our local small-town scale he kinda does.  Like we said, he doesn't have much in common with his father.  I've long suspected the milkman.

Kidding!  ... John's well-spoken, most people find him pretty charming, makes people laugh, listens a lot more than he talks.  John gets a lot of job offers.  :: dad polishes nails on shirt ::

In short, he's not a tough audience.  You've met few kids like him who criticize others less.  True, in the heat of battle he can get a leeetle too competitive.  He's no J.J. Watt, but on the basketball court he gets pretty high-testosterone; he and Daddy have come close a few times...

He used to be a Mariner fan, but it's simply too painful for him.  He pays attention the first week or two of every season, braced emotionally against the defeats.  He quit on the Mariners, this year, about game ten or so, as soon as they were -3 games under .500.

I used to try to tell him, "Hey, this Ackley guy is going to be good."  Now such statements earn me only mockery.  I've literally stopped talking to him about the Mariners.  I wouldn't dream of trying to sell him on Taijuan Walker.

I was watching Naruto with him tonight, after his 5K run around the neighborhood (28 mins), when it suddenly occurred that he could write a much better SSI post than I could.  The Hulu commercial break came on.

............

DAD:  Oh, hey John.  Yesterday they had an interview with Zduriencik's boss!  They asked him in the paper, what exactly did he have to say about four years in a row of losing 90-95* games.

JOHN:  :: Eyes go wide open, eyebrows up ::

JOHN:  :: 15 seconds' pause ::

JOHN:  :: mouth hanging open ::  (the CEO really owned up to that?  In public?  What he is going to DO about the LOSING?  He gave an answer?)

JOHN:  :: gives Dad a level of attention he hasn't in about two weeks ::

JOHN:  And what.  Did he SAY!

DAD:  This is what he said.

JOHN:  Waits expectantly, eyebrows up, through the whole dramatic pause

DAD:  True story.

JOHN:  :: nods, waits ::

JOHN:  :: eyebrows up, mouth open ::

DAD:  He said, what he would tell the Mariners fans, is that there are a lot of things to do at Safeco besides watch a baseball game.

DAD:  He said, like you can go out onto the porch.  And you can go to Edgar's cantina.

JOHN:  zombie paralysis, cannot process

DAD:  That's what he said.

JOHN:  zombie paralysis, cannot process  (not joking here; this was the one answer he would never have connected with the question)

DAD:  And that we have young players, and you can come watch Felix

DAD:  And that they have a lot of fans who pay attention to stuff other than "just what's on the field"

DAD:  But he gets it, people like to win, which is why they have young players and he thinks they'll get good

JOHN:  zombie

Time:  drags on

JOHN:  :: buries face in hands ::

JOHN:  HOLY ....      John doesn't curse much; he just stopped short

Time:  drags on  (Not absolutely clear whether he's going to cry or not)

DAD:  Looks forward to easiest URL of his life

Time:  drags on

JOHN:  :: looks up from behind hands ::

JOHN:  :: tone as flat as lead; uninterested in subject from this point forward ::

JOHN:  What they gotta do is make a Moneyball movie.  The Mariners version.  ("Mariners" enunciated like a dirty word.)

JOHN:  Have somebody like Seth Rogan take the Brad Pitt role.  Somebody completely the opposite of Brad Pitt.  

JOHN:  Have Seth Rogan come down into the Mariners locker room after a-NOTHer .. 8 to 2 .. DEE FEAT!  Have Seth Rogan throw his hands into the air and headbang it.  NFL Street.  Oh Yeah Baby!  We got Edgar's! Cantina!   OHHHH Yeah!

JOHN:  The whole movie writes itself.  The Moneyball Mariners.  Somebody exactly the opposite of Brad Pitt in every possible way.  Just make a movie out of it.

JOHN:  :: Turns to TV for Naruto ::   Roll it. 

.............

Or not,

Dr D