Q.  Wow.  Michael Pineda's a Mariner on Opening Day, just like the Mainframe said he'd be.  Like LT asked the Waterboy, how do you find yourself in such great position every single time?

A.  Hey babe, it's like Broadway Joe said after Super Bowl III in 1969.  It's just another triumph for clean living.

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Q.  Besides Pineda being great, what was the deal-io - why was he a lock for the 2011 rotation?

A.   He was going to come to camp and be the best pitcher on the field, including Bedard and Felix.  Well, maybe not including Bedard.  For the hordes just jointing us, the SSI shtick gets a little tongue-in-cheek now and then.  Deal with it.

It's a combo-shot of (1) Pineda being an AL swamp-monster right out of the 2011 box and (2) the fact that the Mariners have a looooonnnnng list of very depressing SP options after Felix and (Bedard).

They are wayyyy thinner in the rotation that people realize.  Michael Pineda coming to camp and standing next to the existing comp, that's like the rookie Larry Bird walking onto the court for a 60-loss Celtics team. 

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Q.  What's the scouting report again?

A.  Here's a quick one from Cheney, last August.

FASTBALL - Pineda sits 94-97, on average throwing one (1) notch harder than Felix Hernandez does.  Personally, I don't (throw a notch harder than Felix Hernandez).

He's even shown flashes of 98-100, which Dr. D presumes to be not very relevant.  If Pineda did gather another foot on his FB, we'd be talking Lincecum territory.

Nothing I'd like better than for Pineda to grow into Randy Johnson velocity and make me an instant genius like Lincecum did, but probably the 100 readings are similar to Rafael Soriano's occasional 100's when he was coming up.

Still...  ::siggghhhh::

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COMMAND - When I've seen him, Pineda misses with some fastballs over the plate, as you'd expect from a kid who must be ironing out some things.

But most fastballs, Pineda throws directly into the catcher's mitt, including many of his 97 mph pitches.

If you've never seen a 97 thunderbolt tear a catcher's mitt off backhand, low and away, you've just been missing the finer things in life.  Dr. D assures you that you are going to see some tear-jerking strike-two wipeouts.

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SLIDER - Hitters can guess slider, get slider, and miss badly.  This pitch is being wayyyy undersold.

Can he throw it for a strike on a game-in, game-out basis?  Probably not.  But "30 straight quality starts" is not the minimum bar here.

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CHANGE - Inconsistent, but sometimes reminds of a Dave Stewart forkball.  As Lincecum's change emerged as his surprise weapon, the same may very well occur with Pineda.  We'll see.

But, obviously, Pineda does not need his change at all.

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Real Deal?  He's three weapons past real deal.

If we're searching for a nickname, 'Carnage' would be okay with me....

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