Gilligan's Island
.................
MLB TRADE RUMORS (Professor): I have acquired interesting new information this Tuesday! With these facts, a breakthrough in my investigations appears to be imminent!
MEDIA (Gilligan): That's great, Professor!! :: turns to Skipper :: What did he say again? :- (
THURSTON HOWELL III (ML executives): (interrupting) Why, my boy, isn't it it obvious? The most lucrative solution is in a shorter term with a higher annual return.
MEDIA (Gilligan): That's what I said! :: turns to Skipper :: Isn't that what I say?!
SKIPPER (Boras): (booming voice) IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT MONEY, MR. HOWELL!
THURSTON HOWELL III (ML executives): AAAAhhhhhhh.... this is Scott Boras I'm talking to, correct? I'd hate to bargain with the wrong borrower, as it were! :chuckles:
SKIPPER (Boras): A 3-year deal is out of the question. Don't you get it? The team wouldn't get to call its boat The Prince and show it to all of the children and their children's children.
And Prince wouldn't get to be shown to children. And Prince is going to get fatter, by the way. I'm not representing this guy in three years.
GINGER (Seattle Mariners): ... (coo's, sidles up to Skipper) ... I've never found money to be the most important thing in life...
MEDIA (Gilligan): So, even though Prince doesn't want three years, there are no long-term deals except Seattle, right? So three years makes you look good, Skipper?
SKIPPER (Boras): ... a 3-year-deal is out of the question! The point is, where can Prince Fielder get a statue? Prince isn't some hired gun! He's a family guy! He wants to be loved! And in 3 years, anybody can balloon to 410 lbs.
GINGER (M's): mmmmmmmmmmm He can be a family guy here in Seattle!
SKIPPER (Boras): SSSSiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhhhh Isn't there someplace else that Prince can be an icon?
GINGER (M's): [a single tear rolls down her cheek]
THURSTON HOWELL III (ML executives): I've already advised you, my boy.
We are two months into the bidding and if somebody wanted Prince Icon, they'd have issued the capital to acquire Prince Icon. We've seen enough to make an investment decision. There is no market for Prince Icon. There shall be no market for Prince Icon.
GINGER (M's): mmmmmmmmmmm (increase sultriness) He can be an icon here in Seattle!
SKIPPER (Boras): Isn't there ANY place else Prince can be an icon?
PROFESSOR (MLBTR): I've scoured the island for information on this. The facts are well established. Icons simply do not manifest half-life processes. What Prince needs to do is to wait, and be an icon in 2015.
SKIPPER (BORAS): I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU IDIOT! WE'RE NOT TAKING 3 YEARS! WE'RE NOT EVEN TAKING 6 YEARS! WE WANT TEN, AND WE MIGHT CAVE TO EIGHT AT THE CLOSING TABLE!
GILLIGAN (media): So, 3 years it is, right Skipper?
SKIPPER (Boras): ............. (forces esophagus back down throat with tremendous swallow)
GINGER (M's): (pouting) a girl can't wait forever :- (
MARY ANN (SSI): Ginger, maybe you should find somebody else to flirt with? Would that help anything? ! Then Mr. Prince might see what he's missing and ask you out on a date!
GINGER (M's): (brightens) Whyyyyy Marrrry Annn! You just may be on to something!
MARY ANN (even brighter): At least there is nobody else who wants to marry him! Here we are two months on the island, and every native girl has told him no.
I heard one of them, in Washington, tell him "certainly not." Another one in Texas, he barely got the rumor into the newspaper and she said "by no means" - not to him, but to her girlfriend. You know what it means when she tells her girlfriend! Another one, Baltimore, she said she might go out with him for five years if he promised not to try to kiss her.
He thought one of them would give in somewhere, but now they're smashing banana cream pies into his face when he opens his mouth to say hello. That's got to be good for you, right? The more he tries, the madder they're getting!
GINGER (M's): :- ( It's not very good for a girl's ego, you know, Mary Ann. I remember a catcher from Japan one time...
MARY ANN (SSI): :: patting hand :: I know what it's like, Ginger. At SSI nobody knows she's the hot girl on the island, either.
But you heard the Skipper. Prince isn't going on any dates. He wants a wife, and you're the only one not married. You just keep being Ginger and everything will work out all right.
GINGER (M's): What do you think he'd do if I said, "be there Friday at 8:00 pm or we'll never talk to each other again?"
MARY ANN (SSI): I think if you did that and promised to wear your black dress, he'd sign. 8 and 180.
SKIPPER (Boras): :- |