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WADE MILEY - FIZZLER

Wade "Jase" Miley wheeled his beard out to the mound in a little hand truck Thursday.  The Mainframe went into "grok" mode, which as you and Dr. D's wife have been advised, has nothing whatever to do with "watching TV while throwing down Doritos."  With the 32 motherboards cycling, we need only one of each pitch type to forecast "Jase's" season with pinpoint accuracy.

Unfortunately, having seen Miley's pitches "in rhythm" as it were, Dr. D was left wishing that his prognostications were known for less than pinpoint accuracy:

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Yes, Dr. D is aware of the subtle distinctions between March 10 and June 10.  Like the ailerons on a modern jet, the Mainframe automatically adjusts for all this wind and weather.

The good news is that Miley's "house on fire" approach creates a type of Super Mike Marshall effect.  The batter simply does not have time to think with him, so you wind up with the "dice roll" random guessing syndrome.  Random generators are literally (and figuratively) illegal in NFL coaching boxes.  In sports, you're supposed to give your enemy a good-faith chance to impose a strategy on you.  Miley's opponents will not being imposing strategies on him.

Dr. D is disappointed that Jerry DiPoto, who was inside the Red Sox' offices for a while last year, turns out not to be sitting on a Grand Miley Revelation.  Miley is simply an average starting pitcher who is a good fit for the park.  We mean "average" in the positive sense of "reliable" - if this were Japan, he'd have a stadium snack named after him.  However, in Japan they don't have Karns, Taijuan and K-Pax.

200 innings, a 13-11 record, and then let's hope the M's are willing to let the talented pitchers go in the playoffs.  I bet they will be.

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Lookout Landing had a very fine post on Wade Miley.  No, really, it was.  But not as fine as Dr. D's executive summary:  Miley nibbled when he was in Fenway.  Especially with his changeup.  His command is such that he can do this and stay ahead in the count.  There are a whale of a lot of major leaguers who can't.

/exec sum

That's the big thing for Miley.  For him to go on a little two-month run of impact pitching, it would have to be 'cause he got hot with his location.

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DANNY HULTZEN - What's worse than fizzling?

He was nice, he was boyishly charming, he was one of the best NCAA pitchers of the last twenty years and he had a prototype Cy Young arsenal.  What he didn't have was any connective tissue to speak of.  Oh, well, he has more sports photos in his family album than I got.  And he doesn't live near the fished-out waters of the Philippines.

Dr. D finds himself drifting back, time and again, to the dream of Nate Karns 5SP and James Paxton LHRPBloodyDeath.  As opposed to Vidal Nuno.  

And if Charlie Furbush isn't ready to go then you need 'em both, Paxton AND Nuno.  It's pretty weird how DiPoto helped himself to (literally) 12 certified major league relievers, every blinkin' one of which is right handed.  How did that HAPpen.  

I mean, sure, Vidal Nuno's 85 MPH slurveball SOUNDS great when you're up 4-3 against the Rangers, 8th inning, Fielder and Choo coming up.  But Dr. D's virtual M's are painting themselves into the Paxton corner real quick here.

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HISASHI IWAKUMA - SUPER SIZZLER

Has stormed out of his corner like Clubber Lang in the second - if you'd just hit him with a cheap shot after the bell in the first.  WOW.  From the first PITCH he has been a clinic out there.  Like a clinic that all the other Major Leaguers should be pre-paid for.

Last time we saw this athlete was "last month," Sept. 2015, where he started 6 games.  40 IP.  37 whiffs, 3 walks, 2.03 ERA and the difference between him and Greg Maddux was not worth a conversation.

Allow Dr. D to indulge the fantasy, for a moment, that the light usage last year -- 129 IP -- has him tanned.  Rested.  Ready.  for?  A careeeeer year.

Being as his career year so far is 14-6, 2.66 with 185 K's, I'm wondering what a highwater mark would look like.  You?

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TONY ZYCH - SufFizZler

Was pretty much the only reliever that DiPoto and Ser-vice gushed about.  Has been getting racked up, and got racked up again Friday.

M's said that spring training doesn't count, not if you're a relief pitcher.  We are gonna HOLD THEM TO that.

Be Afraid,

Dr D

Image:  A&E