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M'S WIN.  DR. DETECTO LOSES.  IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM Dept.

The other blogs and the big newspapers, that is.  In the "compress 3 hours of video into 400 words" tale of the tape.  Last night's SSI -- ugh -- "recap" went over big.  Take out a #2 pencil and identify the reason why an SSI "recap" happ'ned like a Lindsay Buckingham solo.  Turn over your test sheets.  You have 90 minutes, starting ..... NOW

...

A) The effort-to-benefit ratio for Dr. D was utterly magnificent

B) All of the above

C) None of the above

...

Every answer is in fact correct.  

Praise be to our K-12 school system for inspiring the above midterm.  It, and Dr. D, are all about the users' positive self-image.  Well, in so far as third graders and Mariners fans are capable of positive self-images.

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HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED

1)  WBC-san came out hitting targets the size of catchers' mitts, not the size of basketball goals

1a) WBC-san had the slider of his life

2)  The Royals can pitch good

3) In the sixth inning, with the M's down 1-0, five separate amazing things happened within the span of a few seconds:

• Nelson Cruz hit a liner down 1B so foul that they even saw what happened from the concourse
• "Smirkmeister" C.B. Bucknor peered down the line a very long time, and decisively waved it FAIR!  HOME RUN!
• For about 10 seconds thereafter, it seemed nobody was going to review this, and that we were back in 1979 (... if only ...)
• When they overturned it, Scott Servais sheepishly came out and served his sentence pantomiming an angry manager
• They put all the runners back
• Yordano Ventura, who was out of Maryland on bail, bounced a slider at about 54 feet, but Perez blocked it into fair territory
• Nelson Cruz, for the second time in the game, disastrously waved a runner to proceed at own risk
• Seth Smith, horrified, ran towards home and jumped spikes-first into home from about 8 yards away
• Perez and Ventura panicked on the toss home:  Perez obliterating the myth of "postseason experience" and Ventura reprising the Michael Jordan splay-legged poster
• The ball got away to a distance of perhaps 70 feet.  Cruz, of course, did not wave Cano home, but Cano arrived anyway.  2-1 M's
• Cano brightly smiled and patted Perez on the short rib
• Perez pounded a fist into his mitt so hard you could HEAR it in Seattle (yes, you could)

Okay, that's like six or seven or eight things.  But it was EVERYTHING interesting in the game and it happened in 50% of 1% of the game.

As far as what Yordano Ventura was trying to do with Perez' throw and Smith's slide -- here's the video evidence of the crime --  trust us, it comes off a lot better in the NBA than at home plate

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4) Edwin Diaz came in to .... what used to be the expression ... "put out a fire."  Six pitches later, he was pulled, saved for the next fire.

5) Aaron Goldsmith (sp?) hopefully intoned that the Mariners might "escape Kaufmann with a win," causing Dr. D and DaddyO to ponder why they turn on a show from which escape is the best-case scenario

6) Dr. D's pondering led to enlightenment.  Only HE must escape the telecast.  All others need only escape the present online doggerel 

7) Nuno and Benoit and Cishek looked and felt fairly routine against an unimpressive offense.

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NOW HERE'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN

SSI denizens have eight miles of elbow room to add their own thoughts, preferably while enjoying more July baseball games and trade rumors.

Your friend,

Jeff