And the mega-fizzler of the offseason


Randy Wolf

As you know, his poor outing on Friday is not relevant.  What is relevant, is that he is pure "smoke and mirrors," and has been for five years.

We could say, "What in the world is the point."  Zduriencik could respond, "Hey, loyalty means a lot in this business.  Just ask my old pals in the saber department..."  And Jason Churchill could respond, "Nothing wrong with an old innings eater riding the bus for you in Tacoma, if he's willing to do it."

Here is our (too-) impassioned plea to keep Wolf far, far away from the Seattle Mariners' bullpen.  Objectively speaking, Wolf provides you a first-aid kit if your rotation starts hemorrhaging ... Subjectively speaking, he causes Dr. D to think back on every melancholy, "we're just here to avoid a forfeit" SP the 1976-1992 Seattle Mariners ever put on the mound.

We mean it in a good way.  And we mean it so's LrKrBoi29 can get ahold of the idea that SSI is not about hyping players.

;- )


Wolf's a cool guy, and in sports terms he is a champion, a man who achieved something very remarkable with his career.  It's just that SSI doesn't have time to beat around the bush of the question of whether a guy can pitch or not.


Blake Beavan

At your own job, Gentle Reader, it would be depressing enough if they brought in a new employee to sit beside you and do half your job.  How depressing would it be if that new employee was Newman from the Seinfeld show?

You capture Blake Beavan by understanding that he is:

  • A #2 or #3 starting pitcher until there are two strikes
  • A single-A pitcher WITH two strikes

He can throw a fastball to a spot that no ML hitter cares about, on the first pitch.  But ... hey.  The cliche "can't put hitters away" gets tossed around a lot.

He tried to go after hitters in 2014, the K rate went up, and the HR rate became preposterous (8 HR in the equivalent of 4 full games).  His game just doesn't withstand scrutiny.


Nick Hill

Everybody around here loves him, except me.  

I just can't see him.  I don't know how you make his shtick work.  We'll visit that another day ... (okay, he does hide the ball real well and come around Laredo, but his fastball is like 89 MPH and his offspeed pitch is a ... changeup?!  I just go :- / looking at him on tape.  Take it for what it's worth:  very leeeetle.)

Lt. Nick isn't a real-world fizzler.  He's just a Dr. D fizzler.  

:- ) You do realize that LOOGY is a pejorative term.  Hey, Dr. D hasn't made a good solid attempt to alienate you feebs in quite some time....


Stefen Romero

We all love Stefen.  SSI is just pointing out that (1) he came to camp with a real chance to make the ballclub, and (2) has hit .105 with 5 strikeouts and 0 walks.  I don't say that he has rotting flesh disease, but he's got to be hanging his head.


Ervin Santana

Slap me silly.  He's okay with 1 year, and ... I mean this question literally, not rhetorically:  what is the holdup?  Why, specifically, is Santana in this situation?  Is there something nasty going on behind the scenes?

He's a reliable 7K, 2+ walks, a groundball pitcher, and his 2-pitch arsenal is easy to repeat game-to-game.  In 2013, he started 32 games, and only 3 times did he give up more than 4 runs.  That's 29-for-32.  It's not like Brandon Maurer is going to do that...

:: shrug :: he wants 1 year, a lot of runs scored for him, but if I'm the Mariners I wonder about topping everybody else by $4M.  Is it legal to put in a clause that avoids the qualifying offer?

... Oh.  Just answered the question in the first paragraph.  He's going to sign in the first week of the season, right.  To hurdle the QO.

ONE year of Santana, boy would SSI love to see that one.


Dr D



1 order to avoid the QO penalty to the club that signs him, Santana would have to wait until June,.
I suspect that his original agent wanted him to do that and then get a 4 year deal...but that he wants to pitch and would rather take his chances next year in a thinner market...explaining the sudden decision to fire Stringfellow. All of which is to say...the hold-up is about to be over...and someone will have themselves a bargain.
I don't agree re: Hill...I think his change-up works because he's extremely deceptive with it because he's throwing laredo and short-arming it a bit too. I've seen plenty of situational lefties throw like he does and make millions in this game.

IcebreakerX's picture

Buster Olney tweeted that teams are scared of his elbow due to his medicals and the number of sliders he throws going up.
If Ervin Santana in fact negotiates his own deal, he should know that teams are very leery of his medicals and fear an elbow blowout.
Looks like that's why he'll be stuck in purgatory.

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