.

HISASHI IWAKUMA

The Mariners spent the day not wanting to be there.  Dr. D spent the night, not wanting to type.  Ryan Rowland-Smith waved off Iwakuma's walks (and velocity) as "a low-energy situation."  Mike Zunino chuckled it off as a mechanical thing, like balance, and that Iwakuma would get it squared away.

Dr. D's worry factor:  0.  Well, if Our Local NPB Star tops out at 85 on day two, then my worry factor will exceed 0.  I don't expect that it will.

So as far as this morning's coffee goes, like they used to say in NFL Street, how about a Big Helpin A NOTHIN'.

.

CLAYTON KERSHAW

Servais fielded his Opening Day lineup -- we certainly hope -- against the world's impossible pitcher.  Dr. D settled in to grade the M's hitters as to which looked comfortable.  The first 6 all viewed Kershaw the way hungry polar bears view seals.  This was not as much the case when we snuck victories via the Endy Chavez and Casey Kotchman moneyball underground tunnel.  But Kershaw did manage to escape with his life.

From memory, now, so check me on these:

JEAN SEGURA - very relaxed, tracked the pitches all the way, took the last couple and trotted down to first.

MANIGER - took a low-away heater on 0-1 but the ump blew the call, 1-1.  On 1-2 Kershaw cracked off a Curve of the Century, which broke a bit inside.  Maniger TOOK IT?!  ?!   ... ?!  The ump called it a ball and the Dodgers' dugout went wild.

On 3-2, Maniger shortened up.  Kershaw rocked and fired a BB knee high.  Maniger stuck his nose into the strike zone and socked the ball up the middle for a hit ... no, wait, it hits the mound and the 2B is behind the bag covering Segura's SB.  Flukishly 6-3.  Maniger again looks unlikely-ish in command of the ballgame.

CANO - rifled a shot off the 2B's shoe.  Who caught it.  Rifled hit the next time up too.

Who's pitching again?  The best of the last 20 years, you say?

BOOMSTICK - got jammed and fisted a ball on one hop* off the RF fence.  Kershaw lucky not to be down 3-1 with nobody out.

SEAGER - on 0-1, got a ladder fastball.  Got on top of it with sweeeeet batspeed.  FLined it into the off field for a clean hit.

VALENCIA - I forget.  Took a nice pitch or two, though.

Next inning, Leonydas put two nice swings on, fouled 'em off.  Zuumball walked or something.  Dyson put a great swing on but was out to LF.  Break up the M's!  The story after the game was "Kershaw was off."  The actual events were, "M's took a lot of great pitches.  They hit the other ones."  SSI, your one stop shop for Truth and the American Way.

.

TAYLOR MOTTER 

He's a baseball player who is out of position everywhere, because there is no position called "ballplayer."  He's fun to watch at SS, with his Jack Wilson knee-slides and his big arm.  Motter comes over-the-top with 3B throws like he lives there.  He's fluid in the outfield.  He swings like he thinks he's Jose Bautista.  He sent flowers to Shawn O'Malley apologizing.  Well, he probably did.

In some other year he might be our fave player.

.

COOL GROKS

The Commissioner threatened to take away low strikes.  The idea, if you just joined us, is long fly balls disappearing over the fence and drawing those over-stimulated NBA fans.  (Sudden thought:  is this why Edwin Diaz now gets to flip an Ozzie after a save?)  Most big leaguers laughed it off.  They'll call a few in spring, and then revert as soon as the games start.  So goes the script.

Bill James was aghast.  9,000 ways you can add offense without performing heart surgery on the game, which is to say altering the strike zone.

Jeff Sullivan studied it.  They have taken away some low strikes this spring.

....

Which M's would benefit?  By inverted logic, any who don't live at the knees.  Drew Smyly woulda benefitted, huge.  Felikkks and WBC-san wouldn'a.  Zeus would.  Moving two sections down, Evan Scribner would.  The odds are 10:1 or better that the umps will still give the kneecap strike.  But if they don't:  68 homers for Nelson Cruz.

.

MARK RZEPCZNSKI

Interesting squib on the TV the other day.  Turns out that last winter, the M's went to Cano, Cruz & Co. and asked them "which of these 6 lefties do you hate to hit."  Everybody agreed Zip.  Too hard to lift the ball against him.  So Dipoto went and got Zip.

I wanna see this factor quantifed on Fangraphs very soon.  "Enemy Admiration Factor Adjusted By GM Age and Payroll."

.

SP PECKING ORDER

Wishhiker lined up all the SP's for us in some thread but I got no idea where.  Hopefully he'll repost it.  Smyly threw his arm out pretending to be Lefty Grove.  So for April, MY choices for the 4 slot would be:

1) Max Povse.  They'll never see im comin.  And the mistake-hitting greedy swingers in Houston can chew on some paintballs for a while.

2) Dillon Overton.  Even the Mainframe can be transfixed by a single set of 6 innings if it's spirally-eyed enough.

3) Evan Scribner, We WISH.  

4) Nobody else we're thrilled about.  Miranda needs to synch in.  Heston is fine on his A game but a tragedy on his B game.  Andrew Moore they ain't going to promote.  Scribner has a starter's rhythm and a starter's repertoire and a 16-win upside, but you know how Dr. D's baseball fantasies, such as Tom Wilhelmsen QS's, turn out.

Fill in your own preference here.

....

... supposedly they called Bob Walcott up like one hour before he had to get on his airplane, in that Cleveland playoff series.  Do that with Povse, HOU game 4.   Don't even think about moving He Who Must Not Be Named  out of his number 5.9 slot in the rotation.

.

TIME WARPS

So Monday will be pretty fun, right.

.

Warned ya it was nuthin,

Dr D