El Cartelua
Land Shark!


SSI is way into family-friendly tone.  You know that when you're on SSI you're Safe For Work.  :- )  And we don't want to cause a proliferation of debatable language.  But ...

... there is no good synonym for "badass."

The Venezuelan slang for that is "Cartelua," stitched onto Felix' glove, of course.  Felix is, in fact, a cartelua, and that with a capital C.  

The idea is that of (1) extreme toughness but (2) without advertising, and (3) without any INTEREST whatsoever in advertising.  Dirty Harry is B.A.; James Bond really isn't.  Robert DeNiro is B.A.; Sylvester Stallone is a poser, despite his remarkable bodybuilding accomplishments.

Urban Dictionary offers further reading, especially entry #4 on this page.  Perhaps you have Mariner blogs you consider Cartelua, and Mariner bloggers you file into the Poser category ... ;- )

Geoff Baker.  Jeff Sullivan.  Less hat, more cattle.


Felix is the kind of pitcher who goes into Fenway and wins 1-0, without talking about it.  In fact he is the kind of pitcher who fires FOUR (4) one-run shutouts in a year, and never says Word One.  Oh, how we wish he'd get his shot at Game Seven in the World Series.

Maybe Robinson Cano can help him get there.  Cano sat, smoldering, as the New York media fawned over Derek Jeter.  Robinson Cano has a Zen swing with Assassin intentions.  Robinson Cano put in the work to become a great defender.  When the Yankees ticked Robinson Cano off, he simply left to Seattle, and then pointedly posed in a Mariner uniform, glowering at the camera with beard but no mustache (the inversion of the Yankee rule).

Robinson Cano scores a full 9.0 on SSI's 1-10 B.A. meter.

The Seattle Mariners, since Lou quit in disgust, have been exactly the opposite of Carteluas.  They've been THE wussiest organization in baseball, absolutely #1 on the list.  Robinson Cano (along with Seager and Zunino) offers the prospect of turning that around.


There are very few baseball rivalries that are truly Cartelua.  The old 1960's Giants-Dodgers rivalries did it; Juan Marichal was baseball's greatest big-game pitcher, its original Latin Cartelua.  When Marichal got to fighting with Dodger players, there were baseball bats and lethal intentions involved.

Aside from that one, where are the truly bitter baseball rivalries?  There are rivalries -- Sox-Yankees, and Cubs-Cardinals, and Mets-Phillies -- but how vicious are they?

In football there are authentically bitter rivalries.  Peyton Manning and Tom Brady have an authentic rivalry going.  Isn't that something, that those two fight each other for the Super Bowl, on the very same day that the 49'ers and Seahawks do the same?

The 1970's Raiders and Steelers had a really bitter rivalry ... Jack Tatum was looking to injure Steelers receivers, and the Steel Curtain wasn't backing down.

Bill Belichick, through SpyGate, turned the Jets-Patriots thing into something bitter.  The Jets failed to hold up their end, and now they're just Belichick's Cellblock D customers.  A lot of AFC Central and NFC Central matchups have long histories.  Dallas-Redskins was big in the 1970's, when both teams were scary.


The Saints' defense, led by that Buddy Ryan guy, was headhunting on Saturday and very early on, they in fact killed Percy Harvin.  He was embalmed and interned on the spot.

Past Seahawk teams, when punched very hard in the stomach, responded decisively.  By caving in.  Hey, lighten up there guys, wouldja?  It's just a game.  Why do you gotta be like that?

This edition of the Seahawks responded by --- > beating the Saints about the head and shoulders until they lost interest in the fight.  Did you see Earl Thomas' "Land Shark" dance?!  HEH!!

Very, very rare that you get two football teams quite so B.A. as the 49'ers and Seahawks.  We saw a Times article that called the game "cover your eyes intense."  That'll do for us too.

Be Afraid.  Be Very Afraid,

Dr D



Alvin Davis's picture

Remember Jason Varitek (drafted by the M's) pushing his glove into A-Rod (his milb teammate)'s face? Sitting in New England, Sox-Yankees certainly looks like a SERIOUS RIVALRY from here! Listen to Larry Lucchino going off about The Evil Empire, and you get the sense these guys mean business. Locals here root consistently for two teams: the Sox, and whoever is playing the Yankees.

Lonnie of MC's picture

That rivalry is alive and kicking, but there is more action between the fans of each team than on the field.


I learned that as a kid when I was watching a game on TV and in the famous incident, Juan Marichal took a bat to John Roseboro's head. We didn't learn until some years later that Roseboro had, in Marichal's estimation, purposely nicked his ear on a return throw to the mound when the Giants' hurler was at bat. Those guys didn't mess around.

misterjonez's picture

It's refreshing for me to see the Seattle fanbase latch onto the local football team like they have. It's re-affirming to me that at least some people in the area have rediscovered a crucial, recently missing, piece of who they are.
We're a savage species, baby. Just think how utterly we dominate the poor chickens...and all for a pair of fried eggs in the morning ;)

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