AC / DC Dept.
Can You Win Your Next Pennant With Tom Wilhelmsen, Dept.


=== 35,000 People Not In On the Joke, Dept. ===

Could somebody please tell me, for the love of all that is ESPN and vicariously warrior-like, what is supposed to be intimidating about a 5'2" leprechaun with no magical powers?  How does a stadium full of people buy into the snarls of 50-something men who weigh 104 pounds?  Could somebody please put Eric Thames into a 4-on-1 cage match with Angus Young, Axl Rose, Marilyn Manson and Alice Cooper?  And then, after Thames has his 90 seconds, let them stomp onto their stages menacingly with our complete blessing?

Above, contrast (a) Young's sinister lurk with (b) the toothpick-like upper arms that struggle to keep his guitar from pulling him over into a face plant.  Seriously.  His legs are bowed to leverage the guitar.  Wouldn't you just die to see one of the Safeco ball girls bop him in the arm and send him to the 60-day DL ... 

Billy Gibbons and David Lee Roth are jokes too, but they're in on it.  If Angus Young had a baby-breath 12" beard squared off at the bottom, then maybe we'd be talking the kindergarten uniform and rasta gear. 

::shakes head clear::  C'mon, Dr. D, that was way harsh even for you.  And who says you're in on your joke, while we're on the topic?

We were talking about intimidation.  All right, let's forget the frightening 57-year-old bantamweights and discuss for a moment the frightening 27-year-old 6'6" men who can throw baseballs at 97 miles per hour.  The ones who try to contain, not simulate, their glares of rage. 


Tom Wilhelmsen showed you somethin' Wednesday.  That something being his most assured attitude and disposition of the season.  Up until what, two weeks ago, our prospective Bona Fide Super-Closer had faced no adversity.  (Well, perhaps we mean to say "as closer" he'd faced no adversity.)  When he struggled for about three games, it was a bit nervy; some guys freak out on the hot seat.  BZZZZT nope, he bounced right back with closer demeanor.  It's important that he grabbed that poise-and-resiliency banana off that marathon table as he zoomed by it.


owledge that they were swinging willow switches at houseflies.  He threw 9 of them, 7 for strikes, 6 not in play.  I wound up slightly nauseous at Wilhelmsen's sheer delight in Colby Rasmus' pain.

There was a time when little Tom Gordon led the league in saves, out of Fenway, based on nothing more than Tom Wilhelmsen's curve ball and a totally egg salad 91 MPH fastball.  But hey:  at least Wilhelmsen's fastball is gaining velocity.

I wouldn't have cared if Brandon League had saved 57 games for the Mariners.  We got a real closer now and it's fun to watch him powerflush Colby Rasmus.




"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"
Were you the bad guys and not in teal and blue, isn't this the way you would look at the M's developing pen?
We're to the point where we've shortened games, as they say, to 7 innings. Or is it 6?
Furbish and Wilhelmsen are budding super-heroes. Capps and Pryor are about to explode. Luetge = 7 hits per 9. Kinney gives up 5. And I haven't even mentioned Kelley, who has an ERA of 3. Doc, did you know (well of course you did) that every one of those guys strikes out at least 9 per 9! Holy snot. (OK: I cheated for Luetge and rounded up. He's only at 8.6)
Steve Delabar and his .9 WHIP can't even sniff a first page mention.
Deeper than the Marianas Trench, we are.
Perhaps the cliche is Furbish, Capps and Last Call: That's all.
I like that one.
There are WAY too many stud hosses in this group for it not to be real good next year, too. We be loaded.

ghost's picture

Doc...the first three paragraphs of this article have got to be the least logical, least coherent, most frustrating in-joke schtick I've ever seen you write. I was actually starting to get ticked off thinking I was missing some seriously hilarious jokes because you were speaking Pig Latin. LOL
The rest of the article was awesome though...I especially loved the "next year, he should go for 50 mph" bit. Made my morning.


You know who else can't crack the staff? A couple of AAA arms named LaFromboise and Moran.
LaFromboise: 1.36 ERA in 66.1 IP, 6.1 hits, 9.5 K / 2.8 BB per nine, 0.995 WHIP.
Moran: 2.62 ERA in 68.2 IP, 6.9 hits, 10.7 K / 2.4 BB per nine, 1.034 WHIP.
Did I mention they're LEFTIES? We've got a couple of spare George Sherrills hanging around in Tacoma, twiddling thumbs and waiting for their opportunity to crack the pen.
Our pen should be astoundingly frightening going forward, in perpetuity. We have a couple more monster set-up men about to hit AA and just drafted 3 more closers. Once our rotation matches them in Fear Factor ("we have a 3 game series with the Ms and drew Felix, Hultzen and Greinke? Iwakuma and Ramirez already took our lunch money in the last series...") it's gonna be fun making teams fear the Safe.

Lonnie of MC's picture

...Danny Farquhar, but that would just be piling on.

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