Calling Doctor Bombay!!
He would fix what ails us!

I know we have our own Doc on call, but I've gone outside the house this morning and consulted with a good and famous Witch Doctor (whom we old guys remember):  This is his Rx for the M's.

He points out, by the way, that Austin Jackson isn't going to make us any better, but he will soon be up, anyway: AJ is The Skip's guy, after all. When Jackson is up, he will most likely be batting at the top of the lineup.  Oh goody!!  His .300 OBP and Eddie Gaedel-like power will fuel our offense, certainly.  

If Willie Bloomquist is the guy who is released then we have the weird situation of having Jackson, Weeks (didn't play a game at 2B in ST), Ackley, Smith, Ruggiano and Cruz who are OF's. Miller, too, it looks like.  6 of 13 positional guys wear OF gloves, fulltime.  Add two C's and a 1B; now you have 4 guys who have IF gloves.  That isn't very flexible. OK.....Weeks could go to 2B in a pinch, but it is a poorly structured roster.  WB brings flexibility, which is what a #25 is supposed to do.  

Back to Doctor Bombay's prescription:  When Jackson comes up, Doctor B. would like to see Weeks leave.  At the same time,, he.....would let WB go and bring up somebody else.  Kivlehan, Romero, Rivero, and O'Malley have all played multiple positions in Tacoma.  Rivero and O'Malley are utility players by template.  O'Malley is actually a decent bat vs. LHP (he's a switch hitter), .323 this year and .340 last year (including 2-5 in LAA) but he may or may not be an upgrade over WB.  Well he is, let's just leave it at that.  Kivlehan gets more Tacoma time.  Romero, who has played both 2B and 1B recently, makes the most sense, likely.  Exploring a trade?  Then the swap move the Doctor and I recommend is trading Ackley to a foundering Orc team for Zobrist, who is soon to be called back up (2 Rehab stars in Stockton).  Oakland won't resign him, likely, and Ackley is a Billy Beane kind of guy.

To tell you the truth, I would bail out on Jackson, too (he has something like 380 ABs in an M"s uni--ST included--and 2 homers) and call up Montero.  So there is my/our wish list.  Dump Weeks, trade Ackley (a trade that might be doable: Ackley + for Zobrist??  The Orcs need a 2B), put WB out to pasture and tell Jackson, "Thanks for the memories."

If we dump Weeks, Willie, Jackson and trade Ackley, making a full bucket of moves, you could get Montero here and have LoMo/Montero at 1B, (Morrison is currently the not good Morrison) Cano/Taylor/Seager around the IF.  Miller in LF/Rugi in CF/Cruz/Smith in RF. Romero and Zobrist (who you mostly DH to begin with) rounding things out.  You would have to be comfortable with Ruggiano in CF fulltime, until Miller is ready. If you keep Jackson, then Romero is the odd man out.  Or, when you release Jackson, you could bring up Guti instead of Romero, if you thought Guti had the odd CF game in him before he breaks. Guti as a vL partner for Miller in LF (Miller is .300-.360-.560 vR and it doesn't look too flukey)  is a nice thing.

A question: Would Billy Beane see full years '16-'17 of Ackley as equal to 100 games of a slightly tweaked a year when it looks like the Orcs will not contend?  There is some lost opportunity cost for Oakland to trade Zobrist now, of course, as he will look nice to a bunch of teams as the summer heats up.  M's would have to bid accordingly. Ackley + what gets him now?  

Anyway, there's Doctor Bombay's Rx.  He reminds us that Jackson has not been missed, not one iota. Has anybody really complained about our CF defense since he went down?   Jackson was good with the glove in '11 but is just decent since. His glove certainly does not pack his Wee Willie Winkie-weight bat.

Weeks out, Guti in.  Ackley out, Zobrist in.  Jackson and Willie B. out, Romero or Montero in.  I'll even take O'Malley in place of WB.  If we can't trade Ackley, I'm doing the other moves, anyway.

Sometimes you have to get rid of dead weight to get better.

Now if we can get Samantha to wiggle her cute little nose and make it happen.

Go team.  




And it was a pet peeve of mine as a kid of the 60's (and btw, thank you Matt Weiner for allowing me to relive that golden decade as an adult), I never understood why Darren would get so mad and chew Samantha out for going to him: "Dr. BOMBAY!? That Quack???" OK, maybe he's a quack, but what other choice do you have, Darrenboy? Mother-in-law? Aunt Clara? Uncle Arthur???
Love the idea of Ackley+ for Zobrist. Maybe...what else could we get in such a trade?


We should tremble in fear at the thought of Ackley going to Oakland.
Question: What holds Ackley back from becoming a great hitter? 
Answer: His head.  He has psychological problems that prevent him from becoming a great hitter.  Oakland may be able to fix that.  Here is how:
There is a well known psychological phenomenon of people preferring to live in places and to do things that are connected with themselves somehow.  Psychologists call this concept "implicit egotism".  That is, there is a great preference for places and things that remind one of himself.  For example, if your name is Moe, you would be more predisposed to live in Missoula Montana and own a sit down lawnmower with three gears and a drink holder, than if your name wasn't Moe.  See, Why Susie Sells Seashells By the Seashore, Implicit Egotism and Major Life Decisions, The Journal of Attitudes and Social Cognition, 2001. 
Here we have Ackley.  His name sounds like "Oakland".  Ackley the Oakland Ackletic has quite a ring to it. 
Second, the Beard. 

The Mariners PR department has mandated that no photograph or video of Ackley should be released with a pixel density greater than 100 ppi, because if there were any greater resolution, viewers could see the bugs crawling through Ackley's beard.
The Orcs have not had such an abhorrent eyesore on their team since Derek Norris left for the National League.  Not coincidentally, this was the last time the Orcs were good.  Every team needs an identity to rally around, or it collapses.  As some great baseball mind said once: "You have to be the best at something."  If you feel like you have no edge, then collapse is imminent.  Oakland has always prided itself on being the dirty and gross team.  The Coliseum is a gross stadium that is populated by Raiders fans.  If the players don't look like they belong at a Wasteland convention, then they are misplaced.  Ackley fits in over there.  Also, he may be grooming like an Orc because he wants to be an Orc. 
Third, Ackley's biggest hangup has been his own hype.  He can't live down being the number 2 overall in a good draft.  On the Orcs, there is no such thing as a name.  Once you put on that green uniform, you transform into a generic loathsome baddie spawn.  There are no stars, there is no individuality.  In Oakland, there is only Horde, and the Green Wizard, and he does not suffer rivals. Ackley could shake that monkey right off in Oakland.
Fourth, Ackley's jack of all trades style with the glove is highly valued in the Oakland system, where the Horde has continual turnover.  Ackley would play in the outfield with all those fast little guys, at second base with Sogard, and at first base.  Also, he couldn't do worse than Semien at short. 
Finally, Ackley isn't set to make too much in the next two arbitration years, which is always a selling point in Oakland.
Conclusion:  If you want to trade Ackley, send him to the Mets or somewhere.  A trade to Oakland looks good on paper, but on closer examination has disaster written all over it.


Agreed on all points, mo.  (My daughter goes to college in Missoula, Montana, btw)
I agree with them all.  I hate to send Ackley to Oakland, too.
But...We've got kind of a perfect storm of critical timing issues right now.  LAA and Oakland are struggling and Houston's bullpen cant carry their lousy #2-#5 all year.  They will slow down. 
We have 4 starters throwing well and Cruz has gone all Killebrew on the AL.  They kind of need the help now.
I haven't spent a bunch of time looking around either league, mind you, but Zobrist is a guy we may be able to get and Ackley is a guy that BB may love to have.  
I almost didn't propose the swap because I hate to see him go to Oakland and hit.  However, Ackley is so mentally broken in Seattle that we almost can't play him much.  I've long advocated making him a #25 guy and letting him cover two OF's, 2B and 1B off the bench. I would insist that he shave, actually smile and have fun before he saw any PT.  I'm sure he will have a 4-wk run of good hitting this year, he always does.  I would love to have him around for that, but I'm tired of packing him and waiting.  For Zobrist, who would help us this year, I would be willing to roll the dice.  Would be nice to get an year's extension from he....but I'm not even sure I would need it.
Getting Zobrist gives us a neat pice...who can hit.  
Even if I don't make that trade, I would do the other things.  Weeks is gone.  Bloomie is gone.  Jackson is gone.  


Based on Seattle's history it is almost a given that Ackley will blossom into the hiitter he should be only after leaving the Mariners. Can you imagine the torment if he should go to the hated Orcs and spend ten years as a perennial 3-hole hitting All Star wreaking havoc with M's pitchers and beating us with key base hits in pennant chases and playoff games? 'Twould be par for the course.

RockiesJeff's picture

Hear ye, hear ye to the 60's!!!!! But it seems this year with the M's we all were hoping for Samantha but found out that blind date waiting at the door was really Mrs Kravitz! To hope for some solid baseball on the field....twitch that nose Doctor!!!

IcebreakerX's picture

I would not be surprised at all if Ackley gets better, but it'll never be here. He'll be J.D. Drew light or something and that will be that.


Offer Ackley, Jackson, Weeks and a few million $ for Zobrist and filler, with filler quality determining the millions.

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